Legolas Frolicks in the Forest
by TriforceFlames
Summary: YAY! A PLOT! It's sort of there! The new chapter is actually a prelude to the beginnings of an actual story.
1. THE CHAPTER

We had an idea! Yes we did! CaptainKTrekie, now known as Legolass, and I, ProdigiousLi, had an idea! Actually it was MY idea! It was a Prodigious idea. We are going to write two separate stories. They will be about Link and Legolas. The catch is that we are going to write about the OTHER PERSON'S character! This will be fun. Expect MAJOR bashing on my part. Then we will have the characters randomly meet and then we will SWITCH BACK and write about our own characters. Get it? Good.  
  
**We forgot the disclaimer the first few chapters, so here it is: We do not own Legolas or Link or anything else in the world. If we did, Legolas would have received a haircut. And Link wouldn't have a windsock hat probably, though I really like that thing.  
  
ProdigiousLi's Legolas (bashing) story, also known as "Legolas frolicks in the forest"  
  
Once upon a midnight dreary.actually it was just dark out. Frodo and the gang were randomly walking in Mirkwood. It was very glowy.  
  
"Ohhh..colors.." squeaked Strider.  
  
"Um!" said everyone else.  
  
Then Strider fell into a river and washed all the grease and dirt off of him.  
  
"I AM CLEAN!" Strider exclaimed. Then, a SOMETHING dropped out of a tree and landed on top of him, causing him to fall facedown in the dirt.  
  
"Well, that didn't last long," commented no one in particular.  
  
"It's AN ELF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Strider shrieked like a girl, flailing around in the dirt.  
  
"Squeak, squeak," said the "elf".  
  
"It's a SQUIRREL fool!" Frodo told Strider, rolling his eyes.  
  
"An ELVEN SQUIRREL!" Strider proclaimed.  
  
Suddenly something else dropped out of a tree nearby.  
  
"ANOTHER SQUIRREL!" yelled Sam. "RUN FOR COVER!"  
  
The something/someone approached them cautiously. "Hello," he/she/it said slowly. "I come in peace. My name is Legolas Greenleaf."  
  
"Are you a squirrel?" asked Strider.  
  
"Noooo I'm an elf.."  
  
"Can you help us then?" asked Frodo. "We have this one ring to rule them all thing and we need to destroy it. Will you go out of the forest with us into the land of all darkness and save all the races of middle earth?"  
  
"Hmmm." Legolas hmmmed thoughtfully, rubbing his chin like a knave. " I suppose it wouldn't do any harm.ok, I'll do it!"  
  
"Finally, someone SANE in our little group thingy!" exclaimed Frodo, little realizing just how wrong he was.  
  
Legolas led them to a little clearing place where there were lots of elves.  
  
"Guess what?" he said excitedly.  
  
"WHAT?!" they all yelled in unison.  
  
Legolas took a deep breath, "I'M GOING OUT WITH FRODO! I'M GOING OUT WITH FRODO! LA LA LA LA LA!" he yelled at the top of his lungs whilst frolicking around in circle, waving his arms around.  
  
"Um..." said Frodo, "actually there are others in our group. Like Strider and Sam and Merry and Pippen or however you would spell that and this dwarf guy of whom I don't know the name!"  
  
"Oh." Said Legolas, ceasing his frolicking. "In that case...I'M GOING OUT WITH FRODO...AND STRIDER AND SAM AND MERRY AND PIPPEN AND THIS DWARF GUY OF WHOM I DON'T KNOW THE NAME!!!!"  
  
"Don't forget Gandalf!" said Sam.  
  
"AND GANDALF OF WHOM I SHOULD NOT FORGET!!!!!!!!" Legolas continued dancing about like knave. He stopped as suddenly as he had begun. "Ok, let me get my bow, and we shall go! It RHYMES! HA HA HA HA HA!"  
  
Frodo was beginning to have second thoughts about this Legolas guy. It seemed he was slightly disturbed. Wait, he thought, is he even a guy? He/she never told us what gender.it.was. Maybe it's a girl? It sure has lots of long, girly, blonde hair.Hmmm. Maybe I should ask? No, that would be rude. It might kill me with it's bow. Holy Flamigurkey, that bow is bigger than he/she/it is!  
  
Suddenly, they weren't in the forest anymore. They were on a mountain. And there was snow. Lots of snow.  
  
"OoooOooOoOoOoO!" exclaimed Legolas. "I can walk on snow! Lookee!" Legolas started prancing around on top of the snow. Then, the snow gave way and Legolas sank up to his waist, only he sank really slowly, so it was odd looking.  
  
"Look, it's Legless!" said Strider, pointing and giggling like a girl. "Get it?! LEGLESS! HAW HAW HAW! He doesn't have legs! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!"  
  
"Monkey," said the dwarf of whom I do not know the name.  
  
"GARSP!" said Legolas, suddenly noticing the dwarf. "YOU EVIL THING OF AXES! It is the DEMON!" He started flailing around in the snow, trying to get free and kill the dwarf of whom I do not know the name and is the evil demon of axes.  
  
This is stupid. Thought Frodo. I wish we were somewhere else, ANYWHERE else, even in a stupid endless field in which I will spend a whole 50 billion page book crossing! And POOF! They appeared in a stupid endless field in which they would spend a whole 50 billion page book crossing!  
  
"One ring to rule them all..." Said this stupid mysterious voice from the heavens.  
  
"AUUUGH!" Legolas shrieked like a girl. He pointed his bow upwards, fired an arrow and watched it disappear. "TAKE THAT!" He yelled triumphantly. There was a whistling sound and then the arrow, defying the laws of science, came right down again and landed at Legolas's feet. "Ah, my trusty boomerang!" Legolas said, picking it up. "where have you been?! I WAS WORRIED! YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED!"  
  
Unbeknowest to Legolas, the rest of the troop had abandoned him in the never-ending field. He just continued walking along, humming his little tune. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, oh so pretty and witty and GAAAAAAY!" Suddenly he started sniffing the air.  
  
*SNORT SNORT* Legolas snorted. "I SMELL GREEEEEEEEEEEEN! WHERE IS IT?! SHOW ME THE GREEN!" Legolas looked around frantically. A random guy walked by carrying a huge sack of money. He looked at Legolas and clutched his money closer to him and ran as fast as his legs would carry him. Legolas ignored him. "I..MUST..FROLICK! THE GREEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" and Legolas started frolicking in some random direction. Suddenly he ran into this OTHER random guy in the middle of the field.  
  
"Where are YOU from?" asked the guy.  
  
"Mirkwood!" Legolas replied all too happily.  
  
"Ahh.be-ith thou an elf?" asked the guy in Ye Olde English. Yes, Olde.  
  
"Yupppers! Golly gee wiz you're smart!" said Legolas.  
  
"Mirkwood you say? Why doth thou not liveth there now.ith?" asked the guy in more Ye Olde English.  
  
Legolas paused, then replied, "I LIKE TO BURN THINGS!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Really now?" asked the guy some more.  
  
"YUP! CUZ I'm annnnnn ANOREXIC, SCHITZOPHRENIc, PYROMANIAC! I DANCE, I PRANCE, I USED TO LIVE IN MIRKWOOD! WHY DON'T I NOW? CUZ I LIKE TO BURN THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!" Sang Legolas, doing a little song and dance routine.  
  
"You are one frightening child." Said the guy. "I will now send you away to a far off land where you will do no more harm to the innocent and sane. Tally ho!"  
  
AND WHOOSH Legolas fell into a swirling vortex and died. Actually he didn't. HE EXPLODED! No, he didn't do that either. What fun would that be? We still have to continue the story! SO SALLY FORTH CHILDREN OF THE FOREST! THE WAR IS AFOOT! **thanks to my FRIEND for the whole "the war is afoot" thing. 


	2. THE OTHER CHAPTER

Legolas frolics in the inter-dimensional warp hole!  
  
Yes. Since Legolass is taking so long to write another chapter for this story I think I will instead! Remember, I own nothing. If you think I do then face the wrath of the penguins!  
  
So when we last left our "hero" (it also works if you put loser instead of hero) he had fallen into a warp thingy. He just kept falling into the swirly lights and spinning and hearing one of those random long drawn out screams.  
  
"Make it stop! MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL SILKY LOCKS! I spent DAYS getting it to look right!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas shrieked.  
  
And suddenly it did. It just STOPPED. No, it was not the end of the inter- dimensional warp. It was the inter-dimensional REST STOP! YAY! Legolas frolicked about towards the rest stop station thing, only it took him quite a while as he ran in a distinctive ballerina-ish manner.  
  
Suddenly this random group of thugs came up to Legolas. "YOU!" they pointed dramatically and in unison.  
  
"Yes! IT IS I! YOUR SAVIOR!" Legolas declared. "I have come to save you from your perpetual need to wear black leather! Green is the only color for me!"  
  
"OH THANK YOU GREAT ONE!" the random thugs said while doing a West Side Story dance routine.  
  
"Now, to business. Black is SOOOOOOOOO not the new pink! You must all wear pink. DO IT NOW!" Legolas clapped his hands together knavishly.  
  
Since Legolass just WARNED me on AIM I will proceed to make Legolas look stupider than ever. BWA HA HA HA HA! FEEL MY WRATH! If you have any complaints, COMPLAIN TO SOMEONE WHO CARES!  
  
Suddenly Legolas got zapped by a random lightning bolt. "PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!" he yelled, clutching his behind while running in a large circle. After running around for a while with his silly behind on fire he reached a sign that said "Welcome to that place down under where it's really hot (and we don't mean Australia)"  
  
"PIKA?!" Legolas asked, then clamped his hand over his mouth. "GASP! PIKA PIKA PIKA PIKA!" He yelled. No I'm not going to translate. People who do this are irritating.  
  
THEN Ash ran up with a pokeball. "PIKACHU! WHERE ARE YOU?!" he yelled like the little losery child with the strange voice because he is voice acted by a girl that he is. YAY! Actually BOO! Anyway, he chucked the pokeball at Legolas's head, where it proceeded to bounce off with a hollow sort of sound.  
  
"PIKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Legolas yelled in outrage. A large red bump was starting to form on his head.  
  
Ash the idiot looked confused. "Hey, I thought you were my Pikachu." He said stupidly. Then suddenly it looked like he had come to a conclusion, "YOU!" he gasped, pointing at Legolas. "You must have EATEN my Pikachu!" In his world this was the only logical solution for the fact that Legolas sounded like a Pikachu.  
  
"ROAR!" Legolas foamed at the mouth, then took out a hankie and wiped his mouth daintily. Yes a hankie.  
  
Then, JUST BECAUSE a random god of the silly monkeys popped up. "HAR HAR HAR!" he guffawed. "THAT WAS FUN! You silly little elf, and you stupid little child." He addressed Legolas and Ash. He pointed and Legolas got hit with another thingy of lightning, this time lighting his cape on fire.  
  
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Legolas screamed and ran away.  
  
"As for you," the god of the silly monkeys turned to Ash, "you are to stupid and frightening to live. I condemn you to live in a pokeball for the rest of eternity."  
  
"WHHHHHHHAT?!" Ash yelled knavishly. "I STILL HAVE TO BECOME THE POKEMON MASTER!"  
  
"You will fail anyway. GO NOW!" the god of the silly monkeys pointed and a little pokeball fell to the ground.  
  
Ash's Pikachu walked up from behind the god of the silly monkeys. "PIKACHU!" it yelled enthusiastically, doing the thumbs up thing. Then it kicked the pokeball containing Ash away where it rolled into the flames of the place down under and was never seen again. The world rejoiced.  
  
Meanwhile, Legolas was busy putting the flames out of his cape. That done, he jumped off the platform of the inter-dimensional REST STOP and continued his falling into a different realm.  
  
"I knew pokemon was from Hell." Legolas muttered to himself as he spiraled down the tube thingy.  
  
I'm out of ideas. I'll just STOP NOW! YAY! 


	3. NowLegolas is in HYRULE

Legolas Frolics in Hyrule  
  
YAY! I got another review! THANK YOU Lito Kid Skullington! I feel special now.  
  
Disclaimer THING: yeah. I wouldn't own Legolas if you PAYED me to.  
  
After his harrowing experience in the inter-dimensional warp tunnel Legolas landed in a field. It was VERY similar to the random never ending field he had started it, but there was a hugerous lake in the middle of it.  
  
Legolas squinted across the lake and suddenly pointed daintily at a little smudge of green moving on the other side. Lo and behold, IT WAS LINK! YAY!  
  
"!!!" said Link when he came closer.  
  
Legolas tried to say something, but instead a little screen popped up and his words were written across the screen. "Who are you, you silly green child of the forest?"  
  
Link just stood there and shook his head back and forth as if he didn't care.  
  
Legolas tried to talk again but all the came out was a girly giggle.  
  
THEN there was a prodigious little flash of light and everything was suddenly all well animated and fun.  
  
"Oh good, I can talk now," said Link. "Being stuck in the Ocarina of Time game was NOT FUN!" He looked around randomly and suddenly noticed Legolas. "G'day milady," he greeted Legolas.  
  
"I am not a lady!" Legolas exclaimed. "Everyone THINKS that I am! BUT I'M NOT! I am an independent, strong, yet feminine elf!"  
  
"Um..alright then."  
  
Suddenly Legolas noticed the earring dangling from Link's ear. "OoOoOoOoO! Where did you get that?! It's so PRETTY! I NEED ONE!"  
  
"What?" Link was rather frightened now. He backed away slowly.  
  
"That!" Legolas pointed in some random direction as a shadow passed across his face, making him look like he was a convict. "The one earring...." He droned, walking towards it with the shadow half covering his face still.  
  
"GAH! YOU MUST BE ONE OF GANNONDORF'S MINIONS!" Link drew his sword and shield. "One earring to rule them all..." A random voice echoed through Legolas's mind.  
  
"Yessssss my preciousssssssssssssssssssssssssss...." Legolas suddenly developed a retarded lisp. He continued advancing slowly like a crazed lunatic, which he sort of IS.  
  
Suddenly Gannondorf pranced by, "I GOT IT! I GOT IT! LALALALALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he sang and danced. He was holding an earring. One of Zelda's earrings to be exact.  
  
"The Triforce?" Link panicked. Of course Zelda wouldn't be able to protect the Triforce by herself. That was why he had had to save her so many times.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo you silly boy." Gannondorf flapped his hand about. "DAMN FAIRY! GET OUT OF MY FACE!" He swatted at Navi who was buzzing about yelling HEY LOOK LISTEN repeatedly. Suddenly Navi stopped glowing and flopped onto the ground.  
  
"AUGH! THE PRETTY FAIRY!" Legolas gasped. "YOU KILLED AN INNOCENT CREATURE!" Legolas ran up to Gannondorf and started slapping him uselessly.  
  
Gannondorf just stood there. Link did too. He was excessively confused.  
  
"So WHAT did you get?" Link tried to ask Gannondorf again.  
  
"THE ONE EARRING!" Gannondorf yelled over Legolas's pathetic slapping and yelling about the pretty fairy. He waved the earring around.  
  
Legolas suddenly stopped slapping Gannondorf and started jumping up and down and trying to get the "one earring".  
  
"MWA HA HA HA HA HA!" Gannondorf laughed diabolically. "You want it? Work for it! You can jump higher than that you silly fairy boy!" He held the earring just beyond Legolas's reach.  
  
Link decided to go pull another sword out of a pedestal and save Hyrule for the umpteenth time. He was far too prodigious to stay here with the pathetic loser Gannondorf and the girly elf boy Legolas.  
  
Legolas had finally given up trying to get the earring and was slouched over panting, his long blonde hair completely messed up. "Do you know how long it took me to do my hair?!" Legolas asked while gasping for breath.  
  
"Don't know, don't care," Gannondorf said heartlessly.  
  
"Well, don't you care that you killed a fairy?!" Legolas demanded.  
  
"No," Gannondorf smiled happily as his played with his stolen earring. "Besides, I think she just ran out of batteries again. I told Link to used Energizer, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo he just HAD to use Duracell."  
  
Suddenly AGAIN Zelda stormed up to Gannondorf and slapped him, only unlike Legolas's useless little slapping Zelda's slap sent Gannondorf flying into a tree.  
  
She picked up the earring that he had dropped when he was sent flying. "Do you know how HARD it is to find earrings that match your dress PERFECTLY?!" she yelled. "I THOUGHT I SEALED YOU IN THE DIVINE REALMS SO YOU WOULD STOP STEALING MY JEWELRY!"  
  
"Oh, I understand PERfectly!" Legolas said. "It's soooooooooo hard to find jewelry that matches your dress so perfectly! Believe me, I've tried. It's sooo hard being the prettiest elf in Middle Earth."  
  
Um yeah..I'm out of writingishness. I am going to stop now. More later. BWA HA HA HA HA HA! 


	4. The real beginning of a story

Legolas Frolics some more, with a PLOT! HURRAH!  
  
Hey, haven't written anything in FAR too long. And then I got a review and felt guilty. And yes, I think I need a more substantial plot. Sooooo let's try and form one!  
  
Scene: Gannondorf, Zelda, and Legolas in front of Hyrule castle  
  
Suddenly, Gannondorf decided to actually become evil!  
  
"BWA HA HA HA HA!" Gannondorf laughed diabolically, "I will capture the Triforce and rule the world!"  
  
"Oh darn," said Zelda, "I was hoping you would just leave and lock yourself in the realm of eternal darkness."  
  
"I'm afraid of the dark," said Legolas randomly even though no one cared.  
  
There was a long extended pause.  
  
"Um. So are you going to steal the Triforce?" asked Zelda.  
  
"NO! FIRST I MUST COME UP WITH A DIABOLICAL PLAN!" Gannondorf bellowed. Then he ran away to go concoct his plan. Lame, I know, but it gets better!  
  
The sky turned ominously dark and it started to rain. Suddenly Link came riding up to them.  
  
"Hey! I got the Master Sword again!" he said enthusiastically. "They told me it was stuck in the pedestal, but THEY LIE!"  
  
A sudden flash of lightning streaked across the sky as Link brandished his sword towards the heavens.  
  
"Now! To defeat Ganonndorf..AGAIN!" Link declared.  
  
"I'm so not included!" Legolas said, spoiling the moment.  
  
"Who are you anyway?" asked Zelda.  
  
"I AM LEGOLAS Prince of Mirkwood and so on and so forth!"  
  
"Um."  
  
"So, where do we start?" Link asked, breaking the silence.  
  
As if in answer to his question a bolt of lightning struck at their feet, lighting Legolas's cape on fire. As Legolas screamed and ran around again, Link and Zelda examined the glowing rune left behind by the lightning.  
  
"What is it?" asked Link.  
  
"I don't know. Even though I should. The Triforce of Wisdom is overrated!" Zelda replied.  
  
The rune glowed and turned into a piece of parchment, on which was written:  
  
BWA HA HA HA HA! I AM GANNONDORF! I WILL RULE ALL! BWA HA HA HA! COME TO MY HIDEOUT! BWA HA HA HA HA! TO FIND IT FOLLOW THESE RIDDLES THREE:  
  
Over the hills and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. Do you know the muffin man? Go to Impa's hometown. You will find a surprise awaiting you.  
  
"Um. Was that even a riddle?" Link questioned.  
  
"No. I guess Gannondorf is just stupid. We were definitely overestimating him."  
  
Meanwhile, the rain had put out the fire in Legolas's cloak, which was already half-consumed by the fire from the inter-dimensional rest stop.  
  
Having nothing better to do, the trio went to Impa's hometown, Kakario village or however you would spell that. Seeing as how it's only going to be mentioned once in this story I don't feel the overwhelming need to look it up.  
  
"So now what? I don't see anything that could be of any use to us." Zelda mused.  
  
A lone cuckoo clucked contentedly as it foraged for food. Then it exploded.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked Legolas, waking up the whole village.  
  
"What gives?" yelled one of the disgruntled village folk.  
  
"Who did that?!" yelled another.  
  
"T'was he who did it!" a random person pointed out, pointing to Legolas.  
  
"Him?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
There was a strange and foreboding silence.  
  
"KILL THE BEAST!" Yelled the whole town.  
  
Suddenly they were armed with flaming pitchforks and the like.  
  
"AUGH!" shrieked Legolas AGAIN. He promptly barricaded himself inside a random farmhouse. Link and Zelda followed, as the crowd outside looked none too friendly.  
  
"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, KNAVE!" Zelda shouted angrily.  
  
"I couldn't help it!" Legolas protested.  
  
"Yeah, Zelda, he couldn't help it," Link jumped in.  
  
Legolas gave Zelda an "I told you so" sort of look.  
  
"After all, he has no control over his own stupidity." Link continued.  
  
"WAHHHHHHHH! YOU DON'T LIKE MEEEEEEE!" Legolas burst into tears.  
  
Outside, the crowd was ramming the door. The situation seemed hopeless for our heroes *pause* and Legolas.  
  
Suddenly a small voice cried, "Don't worry! We'll save you!"  
  
The group looked up to see a group of random household items and kitchen utensils hopping towards them.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They screamed in horror.  
  
They all ran and hid behind the bed at the exact moment the door burst open. What luck!  
  
"KILL THE BEAST!" they unruly mob screamed in unison as if they had rehearsed.  
  
"On three, ready? One, two, three..KILL THE BEAST" they all hollered AGAIN!  
  
Unprepared for the barrage of kitchen utensils and other household items, the crowd didn't stand a chance. However, this story is rated PG, so there was only a bunch of cheesy freeze shots of people about to get hit and then a screen with the word "POW" on it.  
  
When the battle was over, a candle hopped over to Link and company.  
  
"You are safe!" the candle said with a cheesy Russian accent. RIGHT RUSSIAN! NOT FRENCH! In case the story was starting to sound familiar.  
  
"Hello small talking candle" Legolas said obliviously.  
  
"Is he with you?" the candle asked.  
  
"Never met him," Link and Zelda replied in unison.  
  
"OH VELL! I am to deliver this message to you: the King of Darkness resides in the forest where all is lost. Beware, for you may become one of THEM!"  
  
"The forest where all is lost?" asked Link, scratching his head in thought.  
  
"Perhaps he means the Lost Woods." Zelda suggested.  
  
"COOOORRECT! This message will now self-destruct." The candle exploded, lighting the shack on fire.  
  
"Um. Ok. Let's get out of here before we fry." Link said, dragging Zelda out with him. Legolas ran out screaming, his cape on fire for the umpteenth time.  
  
So, our heroes *pause* and Legolas, went on their merry way to the Lost Woods, little knowing what surprises await them when they arrive. Will they survive? Find out NEXT TIME! BWA HA HA HA! Because I'm not about tell you! BWA HA HA HA! 


End file.
